sweet · you · rock · sweet · you · roll

Its fate that the urge to log on came to me, considering its exactly ONE year since my last update!

Ive forgotten all the fancy bolding codes, and center alighnment shit. Obviously i havent lost how to swear...haha

So alot has happened since a year ago.
alot.

like, ALOT.

meaning, im a different person now in many ways, but of course i havent changed identities completely.

I have grown up, even though thats silly to see typed up!

A whole year, thats 1/18th of my life. The last year of highschool, college in 3 months-- new experiences, new people.

Wow, before coming to write hear I felt unsettled and uneasy, a bit out of control of my own identity... ive had that feeling for the past couple weeks....

i keep second guessing myself before every word that comes out of my mouth... i mean now ALWAYS..but more often than usual.
I have a fear sometimes that I come off as too mean, too bitchy, too snobby... i feel this uneasy lump of depression and anxiety every so often... and i think its all in my head.
...i just want to break free from it and live my life.
there are so many wonderful things about it, that I should not feel this way!

I wonder if its because I am exhausted from the end of school.. a life of sweatshirts and cramming and not caring at this point.... i think i just need to take care of myself and get myself back on track

i feel the best, when i have treated myself the best.

every so often i forget to tell me self... "to take care of yourself"

although when i really think on it...
i think that it mostly stemmed from when my dad said to me that i was a "princess...and that I have no friends"

no serioulsy, thats what he said.
i came to the conclusion today while driving around that all of this quite possibly could be from that simple conversation with my dad about 2 months ago. I havent been settled with myself since then.

.........forget what he says, he maybe your father but that doesnt mean hes right.

oh livejournal
for the first time since that incident... i really feel ive found my voice again.


<3

Current Location:	on bed
aura:	contemplative
sound:	air conditioning